Uncle, you made any resolutions? Hah? Why you like me turn around? Uncle, RES-OH-LU-SHEN. I knew dat. You tink I donno about revolutions? Every year, I make revolutions like “I not going drink any more.” Yeah, yeah, I heard dat one befo Uncle…you not going drink any less either. Fo real kine. I going shut…

Uncle give us firecrackers every Christmas. He dress up like Santa Claus, but we know das him. And he always tell, “You gotta be safe when you pop firecracker. No hold in your hand. Put um on da ground.” Most times we no listen. We unwind da #100 pack and burn um one by one…

So how come da Pilgrims get one buckle on their hat? Pants, I can figgah. Shoes, I can figgah. But hat? Not like dat kine hat going fall off. Maybe supposed to be like one lei hulu. Uncle Henry used to have one lauhala hat wit one feather hatband. He said was from peacocks. Shimmering…

So dey give you dis stuff fo make you go. Da ting work. Work bettah den da time I went eat your Auntie’s tuna sandwich she said was still good. Da doctah told me relax. Da nurse told me relax. “I no can relax. No can help. I pa-ke. Tight!” Da nurses crack up, especially…

My fahdah only get two ansas fo everyting: “waste time” and “no need.” If you like go Ala Moana and he no like take you, he tell, “waste time.” If you like one soda and he no like buy um fo you, he tell, “no need.” And if you like go Ala Moana AND get…