Math Rhymes with Laugh

The little girl’s eyes were riveted on the four objects her father placed on the table in front of him.

“Potatoes?” she asked.

“That’s right, Love Muffin,” said Mr. Lau, placing the four little spuds before him.

“For arithmetic, Daddy?”

“Ummmhmmm, Kitty Cat, for math. These are what we’re going to use to teach you a little addition and subtraction.”

“Cuz Mrs. Jeffers says I’m not good at it, huh?”

“Well, Honey Bunny, it’s not that you’re not good at it. It’s just that she says you need a little more practice. So, I’m going to tutor you.”

“Tutor?”

“Yes, Love Bug, Mrs. Jeffers is the teacher, and I’m the tutor. Just helping out a little. I’m like Mrs. Jeffers assistant.”

The little girl nodded. “Okay, Daddy.”

“So,” said Mr. Lau, gesturing to the four potatoes as if he was about to do a magic trick, “these are four little new potatoes, as you can see.”

He paused to make sure he had her full attention.

“I have four, so if I give you one, how many do you have left?”

The little girl gave him a puzzled look. “How many do I have left, Daddy?”

“Right. I mean yes. How many do you have left?”

“Ah, well, I got one potato here.”

“Right,” said Mr. Lau. “You have one left – Oh, wait, Cupcake, I mean how many do I have left?”

“Oh, okay, I thought that’s what you were saying.”

“Sorry about that, Cutie Pie, I’m a little rusty. So,” he gestured at the potatoes again, “that means that four — ” he pointed to each of them, “Minus one” – he pointed at the one in front of the little girl “equals three.”

Mr. Lau touched each of his three remaining potatoes with his index finger.

“And if I give you another one” – he rolled one toward the other on the little girl’s side –” how many do I have left?”

“It’s two, Daddy.”

“Very good, Kathy, two is correct. So now we each have two.”

“So, my two and your two–” Kathy pointed to all four “is four, right, Daddy?”

“Yes, very good.” He sat back. “Boy, I forgot how exhausting arithmetic can be.”

“What, Daddy? You mean you’re tired already. We just started. How can you be so tired, Daddy?”

Mr. Lau smiled and leaned on his forearms. “A little, Kathy, a little tired. I, uh, I was never really good at math.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Daddy.”

He smiled again and reached across the table to touch her cheek. Stroking it, he said, “No apologies necessary, Kathy. It’s got nothing to do with you.”

Sitting back, Mr. Lau stared up at the ceiling. “I suppose this potato method is a little bit babyish for you. I, uh, I suppose I could get us some flash cards.”

Closing his eyes, he remembered how his mother used to quiz him, first in addition and subtraction, then in multiplication and division. The flashcards were large, quite a bit bigger than standard index cards, and in his memory the print was huge. The answers were on the back, the side his mother could see, although he was sure she knew all the answers.

He rubbed his cheek and closed his eyes.

“Are you okay, Daddy?”

Opening them, he leaned forward and reached across the table again to stroke his daughter’s cheek. “I’m good, Kathy, I’m fine. Just thinking about how your grandma used to tutor me in arithmetic.”

“I bet she was a real good teacher, huh? Grandma is the best Grandma.”

Mr. Lau smiled and nodded. He remembered how when he got the answer wrong, his mother would give him a swift slap. She was right-handed. By the time his nightly lesson was done, his left cheek would often be past stinging. She’d hit him so many times, it would be numb.

His father would always leave the room when the arithmetic lesson began. He knew what was going to happen, but he never said a word about any of it.

“Oh, yes, Love of My Life, your grandma was some kind of teacher, all right. I never did get better at math, but that was because of me, not her. I just was never any good at it.”

He stroked her cheek again. “How about I just go get us a pencil and paper? We’ll learn this the old-fashioned way.”

Mr. Lau went to his desk and retrieved a couple of pencils and a yellow legal pad. Placing them on the table in front of his daughter, he then grabbed his chair and pulled it around to her side.

As he sat, he wrapped his right arm around her and hugged her to him.

“Okay, Rug Bug,” he said, letting her go and picking up a pencil. “We’ll save the potatoes for eating, and we’ll kill a few pencil lead animals instead.”

“Oh, Daddy,” said the little girl, “you’re so funny. Pencil leads aren’t animals.”

“I know, Sugar Plum, I know,” he said, tousling her hair. “I was trying to make you laugh. I just wanted you to laugh. Math and laugh. They rhyme. Arithmetic should be fun, don’t you think?”

“Oh boy, don’t I wish,” said the little girl. “But I have to tell you that I’m not the world’s biggest fan, Daddy.”

Mr. Lau laughed out loud and hugged her again. “Me either, Kissy Monster, but we’ll get through this together. And you’ll get better at it. I promise you. This is going to be painless.”