Chinese New Year

—Uncle, when is Chinese New Year?

“Ah-so, little Gas-hoppah. Lemme consult my calendah…”

—You gotta consult da lunar calendar?

“All kine calendar gotta consult. Chinese New Year sometimes January, sometimes February. If da pa-kes had their way, would be in March too!”

—How come? Supposed to be da new moon in January.

“Not so fast, you gotta figgah all da parameters. “Kung Hee Fat Choy,” no mean Happy New Year. Means wish you get plenny money! So no can be on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday cause not weekend. And no can conflict wit Supa-bowl or Punahou Carnival. Plenny parameters.”