Always Your Girl (500 words)

Dear Kauai,

I will always love you. I am sorry I was in such a rush to leave you. You gave me all the stars in the heavens. But I left the quiet, dark nights we shared for the bright lights of the big city. At the time, I felt trapped by you, suffocated by your safety, chained by your shelter. I was childish and naïve. I was anxious to abandon you. Only a girl then, I thought I had it all figured out.

Please do not misunderstand. I do not regret my choice. I needed to take a chance, and I built a beautiful life. But I am burdened by the way I treated you. I did not appreciate you, not the way I do now as I look back with decades and miles between us. Our separation felt sudden. But truthfully, I knew I was going to leave you long before I said goodbye.

I miss what I had with you. I long for your peaceful nature, your kind spirit. You protected me, allowed me to grow, wrapped me in beauty. My heart longs for you sometimes; my soul aches to be close again. I dream of visiting the places we enjoyed, feeling you on my skin, experiencing you like I did when I was young and carefree.

You made me who I am. You made me better than I dreamed I could be. I could not be the woman I am today if you did not nurture the girl I was back then, so many years ago. You held me close then let me go without any requests. You gave me freedom when I needed to spread my wings. But you are my roots, my beginning, my heart.

Please forgive me for not appreciating what I had, for not being grateful for the special connection we shared. I realize now I am tied to you—connected. I guess I never left you. I know you never left me. You are always with me, a part of me, maybe the best part of me.

I am a woman now. Life, loss, love have changed me, softened me. I see things differently. I see you with a mature set of eyes. I see you with a heart that has been hurt and healed. I realize now that I was blessed to have grown the way I did. I bloomed because you gave me soil to ground my feet and a sky to store my dreams.

Even now, you allow me to return to you again with no requests, no bitterness. You are too beautiful to be bitter. You welcome me with your warm familiarity. I breathe you in. I fall back into your rhythm. I absorb your magic. I allow myself to slip back into your embrace. I release all regret. I am home.

Thank you for allowing me to return to you. I am grateful to have loved you. I will always love you.

Always your girl,

Dawnie