Boy, come help me dis can-tankerous!


No can open da can.

–How come?

Sardine come in square can. No can open. Can-tankerous.

–Ha, ha. You da one cantankerous.

Not me, da can! Gonfonnit! Help me open.

–Uncle, wassamattah?

Da damn can opener no can go around da corner. Who da hell went invent dat?

–Can Uncle. Jes gotta try go around da uddah way. No get all, can-tankerous.

Watch your mout’ boy, I not cantankerous. I more like NO-can-tankerous.

–Here Uncle. Your sardine all nice. Whachu going make?

My famous gour-met dish. Sardine rice. You know how make dat?

–Ah, sardine and rice mix um up?

No, no. Watch dis, boy. Da hardest part is open da can: hot rice in da bowl, put sardine on top, pour sardine juice on top, put shoyu on top. Pau. You like try? Ono, you know.

–Eeew. Das okay.

Boy, remember my recipe. Going come in handy when you go college and you no mo stove or microwave. First ting you make is vienna sausage. Da trick is you put da can under da hot water in da batroom sink. As hot as you can make um, den adjust da water so no overflow. Run da water fifteen twenty minute. Open da can, going be steaming. Pour erryting, juice and all, on top can pork and bean. Next ting you make: butter sugar sandwich. When you go cafeteria, you take home couple slice bread, couple pack sugar, couple pat butter. Put um in your pocket. When you hungry, you spread da butter on top da bread, sprinkle sugar on top da butter and eat. Call um open face sandwich if you like be fancy. Ono, you know.

–So what, if you use two bread dey call um close face?

No get smart, boy. I trying fo teach you some culinary culcha. Fo variation you can make may-naise Tabasco sandwich. Or pork and bean sandwich. Need plenny napkin fo dat one.

If you get can corn beef, you can make corn beef sandwich, mix um wit may-naise, good. Or plain okay too.

–Where you learn how to cook, Uncle?

Mother used to cook erryday. Someting new. Erryday. When I went mainland, sometimes I no like what get fo eat. Sometimes I wake up hungry. Cafeteria closed. Whachu going do? Now you know how. Bumbye I teach you how make my specialty: can tuna and shoyu sugar. Can corn fo vegetable. Eh, maybe I should make recipe book eh?

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