Boy and Uncle: Lockdown

–Boy, what means “lock down?”

–Supposed to stay home except fo essential tings. Not supposed to go out eat, go beach…

–Jes like jail den.

–Yeah.

–But if you in jail, you lock up. And if you foget your keys, you lock out. Why dey no call um lock in, cuz you lock inside? No make sense.
–Lotta tings no make sense, Uncle.
–No can go store eh?

–Only fo food la dat.

–But las time I went market I see all da people touching da lettuce. So I no buy lettuce. I go buy celery. Get one young lady, dress all nice, fancy shopping bag touch all da celery. Pick up. Put back. Pick up. Put back. I stay waiting my turn. She turn around. No, she change her mind. Pick up. Take one, two stalk celery. She put da rest back. I no buy celery.
–Why you no go kupuna hour, Uncle. Go early, beat da crowd.
–You evah been kupuna hour? Only get OLD people ovah dere.
–Das who kupuna is.
–Yeah but, kupuna go market like dey going sightseeing. Go up and down erry aisle. Stop and read da can corn and reach waay in back fo get da freshest one. I tell you, if da can expire in one year, you no need get da one dat expire in two years. Especially if you going open um tonight! Kupuna hour means dey going take da whole damn hour! Kupuna not going in and out in fifteen minute. Dey buy tree tings and go home. Den dey come back tomorrow fo buy what dey went foget.
–You one kupuna too, Uncle.
–You calling me old? You young boys get um easy. Rice come in small bag, not 50 lb. You know rice used to come in cloth bag?
–Yeah, yeah, you was so poor you had to wear rice bag underwear.
–Not me. I had real BVDs. Maybe not fo erryday…but I had underwear.
–Eeew!
–What? Weekend, no need.
–Eeew!
–-Let’s go get shave ice. Hot today, we go take a ride in da car. Get air condition.
–Nowdays, if you catch ride wit somebody not from your own house, you supposed to ride wit da windows down.
–How come?
–So get fresh air so you no breathe somebody else’s air. And no run da air conditioner, blow da germs around.
–Sometimes I ride wit da windows down. When your Auntie sneak one silent one and no say nutting, I stick my head out da window and howl, “Ah-whoo!”
–Not!
–True. Boy, mo bettah we jes stay home and breathe our own old stink fut air. Da virus no can survive dat.