When I started getting interested in girls, I used to go bananas over the chicks in my school but could never seem to score any of them. I’d watch movies every night and study how the guys on TV would always pick up the chicks. They made it look so easy. I tried some of the lines The Fonz uses, but whenever I looked at a girl I liked and said, “EEEEEHHHeeeeee,” they used to look at me queer like and walk away. Sometimes I used to use real macho lines like, “Eh baby, what you doing tonight?” You know, the kind Charles Bronson says. But it never worked. They’d just walk away.
— From “Girls. Are They Worth It?” by Jonathan Kim, Bamboo Ridge, The Hawaii Writers’ Quarterly No. 3, June – August 1979, Full Moon
My weirdo sister Vashti was right on time when she came to pick me up at the Honolulu Airport, which was a good thing because if a place ever looked strange to me it was Hawaii when I first got off that plane. I mean a lot of things had been looking strange to me for awhile, what with the folks breaking up for no reason and so forth, and Hawaii was the strangest so far. Vashti about hugged the daylight out of me with those boobs of hers. Just trying to make me feel at home, I guess. No place could’ve felt less homey just then.
— From “I Wuz Here! (Now I Stay Gone),” by Jim Harstad, Bamboo Ridge, The Hawaii Writers’ Quarterly, No. 4, November 1979, Last Quarter
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