Once a month, get air raid drill. When you hear da siren, you gotta hide under your desk and put your head on da ground j’like praying at da temple. Andrew tell spooky kine stuff from undah his desk, “Dey going bomb our skoo. Pheeew, boom!” Shirley, she bigger den Andrew, but he can make…

Aunty Jenny used to roast da turkey fo Tanksgiving every year. Uncle Jim bring da turkey straight from da oven, da big brown bird still steaming. Errybody look at um, clap their hands, and go “whoa.” Den he go back to da kitchen and cut um up. When Ah Po make ginger chicken she bring…

Alfred get one eraser dat smell like candy. Alfred always smelling um. Not like you smell one flower but stick um up your nose kine. Uji. I sit next to him even if I no like cause my last name same as him. No can help. I draw one line on da desk and tell…

Labor Day supposed to be one holiday. But Daddy tink dats da last chance fo make me and Russo do work before school start. Aftah dat, we can tell we get homework so we no can cut da grass, trim da hedge, or paint da kitchen. So Labor Day means we gotta LABOR. Fo lunch…

Go big brother’s closet, hem up his old pants, try his old shoes… and see if da stripe shirt still fit. Pau. “Good enough,” Mother tell. Sometimes I get one new pack of BVDs but only if no mo nuff no mo stain. I tell I like Bustah Browns j’like on TV. Mother tell, “You…

My fahdah was born in China. Ah Goong came to Hawaii first, den he sent fo his wife, Ah Po, and numbah one son, my fahdah. I donno when my fahdah became one citizen. He was one appliance salesman. You like buy one icebox or one stove, he get um. If you ask him what…

First time I saw your muddah was at YMCA dance. Ho, she look like Miss Hawaii. Except when da song start, she hide behind her girlfriends. Finally when I went dance wit her, was j’like PE class. She no like hold close. She make like she went smell someting stink and was me! But when…

Every Muddah’s Day, my fahdah, tell, we going out fo dinner. Only ting, he only like eat Chinese food. Instead of going one regular chop suey house, he tell we going Waikiki Lau Yee Chai. My bruddah tell, “We going Waikiki Lousy Chai again.” We gotta wear shoes and nice aloha shirt. When we get…

“Uncle, you get bird doo-doo on your head.” “What? How can.” He went check in da mirror. “No mo!” “April Fool!” “Ah, you went trick me. April Fu Day, eh?. You know, da fu always important.” “Da fool?” “Dey da only one who can tell da king, he one ass-hole. Nobody can tell da high…

So why you gotta wear green? So Andrew no punch me. So you wear green and walk around all day scared dat Andrew going punch you? Yeah. What about da uddah days? You not scared Andrew going punch you? No. Still scared. So if you wear green, Andrew not going punch you? Maybe. You not…